What is EFT?
EFT stands for Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. It’s a well-researched form of relationship counseling that helps partners improve their emotional connection and break negative interaction cycles. If you feel injured in your relationship or feel that you are unable to connect emotionally with your partner, EFT may be a good fit for you.
EFT is grounded in attachment theory, which says that humans have a basic need to feel emotionally safe, connected, and secure in relationships. A person’s state of security, anxiety, or fear is determined in great measure by accessibility, responsiveness, and emotional engagement offered to them by their loved ones.
How Does It Work?
Rather than focusing on who’s right or wrong, a trained EFT therapist will help you and your partner, identify negative patterns, understand underlying emotions, learn how to express needs, and create new emotional responses that build trust.
In order to do this, the therapist will facilitate conversations in three distinct stages. The first stage is de-escalation, during which the therapist helps calm recurring conflicts and names the cycle that the couple is enacting.
In the second stage, the couple works with their therapist to restructure interactions. Here the couple creates safety and trust, so that each person can shed defensive protest patterns. Partners practice sharing closely held emotions and core needs. They begin to respond to each other with empathy and reassurance.
After experiencing softening and closeness during therapy sessions, partners enter the consolidation phase. During this stage in therapy, the couple strengthens new communication patterns and solidifies their bond so that it can withstand the pressures of everyday life.
What Problems Can It Address?
EFT has been found to be effective for a number of relationship concerns including ongoing distress, emotional distance, trust issues, healing after betrayal, infidelity, communication problems, anxiety or depression affecting the relationship, and conflict resolution.
While EFT will not force couples to stay together, nor assign blame for harm in the relationship, it does provide clarity so partners can choose to move forward together. In fact, EFT is one of the most evidence-based couples’ therapies. About 70%-75% of couples move from actively distressed to recovery. Around 90% of couples show significant improvement in their relationship communication, conflict resolution, and satisfaction.
If you are interested in exploring EFT further, a trained therapist can help you decide if it is right for you and your relationship goals.
