Emotions are the kind of thing you can’t live with and can’t live without. They are, perhaps, the most complicated and confusing part about being human and at the same time the most beautiful. A double-edged sword, emotions reveal the vibrancy of life and can also lead to pain and suffering. A life with too little emotion is cold and dull, and a life with too much emotion is overwhelming and chaotic. So, how do we find the right balance?
The following is a guide meant to simplify and demystify the emotions. In this article, I’ll be delving into each basic emotion, offering a big-picture understanding, and providing a rudimentary roadmap for bringing awareness and harmony to this area of human experience.
Varying Views
People have been attempting to understand and systematize the emotions for thousands of years, and philosophers and scientists have spent generations examining their origins. Even today there remains a debate about how to define, measure, and categorize them. Some say that emotions come from the brain, others assert from the soul. Some claim that only two basic emotions exist, while others have outlined over 34,000 different kinds. Some state that emotions and feelings are synonymous, while others describe feelings as a broader term that includes physical sensations. For the sake of my sanity and your precious time, I won’t be wading into these debates. Instead, I’d like to clarify how I conceptualize emotions from my own direct experience so that we can streamline the discussion.
Definitions
To start, let’s explain the term. Broadly speaking, emotions are the product of the heart. By ‘heart’ I don’t mean the physical organ, but rather the deeper-dimensional energy field centered at the chest and spread out spherically around the entire body. Just as thoughts are created by the mind, so emotions are produced by the heart, and every emotion we experience emerges out of this heart-field as a unique energetic pattern.
In popular culture, the concept of emotions being “e-motions,” or energies in motion, is fairly accurate. Emotions are energy states that, when unimpeded, generally flow outward and upward through the body. Oftentimes though the emotions don’t flow because we obstruct them…but more on that later.
I’ve chosen to define emotions as those pure energetic feeling states that are without influence from other feelings or thoughts. Oftentimes, we have complex emotions that are not fundamental but are a combination of two or more emotions, or even a mixture of emotions and thoughts. For example, I would not consider ‘disappointment’ to be a pure emotion because it is a blend of sadness + negative thinking. ‘Contempt’ would also not be a basic emotion since it is generally anger + disgust. Likewise, ‘shame’ and ‘guilt’ are more thought-based than they are feeling-based, ‘grief’ is a process with several phases and emotions, and ‘peace’ is not an emotion at all but rather the felt-experience when all emotions are absent. Thus, the ones I’d like to explore are the primary feeling states that the heart is originally encoded with; the building blocks of the heart.
The Seven Basic Emotions
According to the above definition, there are seven distinct fundamental emotions – happiness, sadness, love, fear, anger, surprise, and disgust – each one being an essential component of life. Each of these seven have many synonyms as well as unique physiological and behavioral characteristics. Defining them is impossible due to their subjective nature, nor is it necessary since we all intuitively know what each one feels like. However, a simple understanding informed by both evolutionary biology and psychospiritual philosophy can go a long way in helping us navigate them.
The Purpose of Emotions
From an evolutionary biology perspective, each emotion exists for one purpose: survival. Happiness gives us a reason to live and the energy with which to do so. Sadness teaches us to avoid maladaptive social situations and strengthens our desire for happiness. Love encourages social cooperation and reproduction. Fear signals to us when we may be in a life-threatening situation and provides the adrenaline to do something about it. Anger empowers us to fight and defend. Surprise helps us identify unexpected situations and act quickly if necessary. Disgust protects us from unhealthy sensory stimuli. In these ways, each emotion delivers unique information and energy to aid in the continuation of the species.
From a psychospiritual perspective, the emotions tell a different story. In this context, their function is to contrast between light and darkness, or positivity and negativity, and to ultimately point us toward our true nature as spiritual beings. Happiness reveals our inherent fullness, while sadness exposes our essential emptiness. Love is the power that expands and unites, while fear is the force that contracts and divides. Anger informs us that something we care about has been violated, surprise reminds us of the mystery of manifestation, and disgust clarifies our values. In these ways, the emotions aid in our self-discovery.
Essentially, each of the seven basic emotions is like a coin with two sides – one side is physical and aids in the preservation of the organism, and one side is metaphysical and aids in identity formation and dissolution. Both sides are necessary for delivering the complete experience of human life.
The Importance of Understanding Emotions
At this point, you may be wondering why any of this information is important. The reason is that the emotions are some of the most powerful forces that influence our daily lives. It is not an over-exaggeration to state that they are the biggest human motivator, and underestimated at that. Many of our thoughts, ideas, and actions stem from our emotions…and much of the time we don’t even know it! An introductory understanding of them will, at the very least, help you navigate your life with greater ease. Moreover, my hope is that these words will pique your interest and inspire you to delve deeper into your emotions, thereby increasing your understanding of self and others, and ultimately open the hidden door to your soul.
Emotional Tolerance Indicates Self-Awareness
Our relationship toward our emotions is possibly the greatest indication of how self-aware we are. Contrary to what many people believe, it is not the kinds of emotions we have that determine our emotional maturity, but rather the depth of our emotional capacity and the level of acceptance we have towards them that is the determining factor. Author and speaker Michael Singer said it this way: “That’s how you measure the evolution of the soul. It’s not by what you think, it’s not by what you do, it’s not by what you write, it’s not by how long you can meditate. It is by your ability to handle your heart.” In other words, the quality of our feelings, the amount of resistance we impose against them, and the degree of openness of our hearts, are the strongest measures of how enlightened we are.
The truth of the matter is this: we cannot control our emotions or choose which ones arise in any given moment. Certainly, changing our thoughts can impact our feelings when our thoughts are influencing our feelings, but anyone who is more or less self-aware has already noticed that no matter how hard one may try, it seems that the emotions come from a place that is beyond our grasp. Many times we don’t even understand why we feel a certain way, we just do, and there’s nothing we can do about it.
That being said, we are not entirely powerless either. We may not have a choice regarding which emotions we experience, but we definitely can choose how we relate to them. We can either close our heart and choose not to feel, or we can open our heart and choose to feel.
Of course, the heart does not function in such a binary way as it’s being described here. It’s not an open or closed either/or kind of deal, but discussing it in this way does make it easier to conceptualize. In reality, the level of openness of our hearts lies on a spectrum, and we may have more openness toward some aspects of life than we do toward others. As such, it is not an exact science. The heart, while analyzable and categorizable to some degree, is also beautifully messy and constantly changing in expression and flow in every moment.
Closing the Heart
The less aware one is, the more one tends to shield from uncontrollable feelings by the use of psychological defense mechanisms. Many people believe that if they can push their emotions out of their consciousness, then their emotions will go away. Some even do this without realizing. They will generally use a mixture of denial, avoidance, distraction, deflection, control, suppression, or projection to get rid of an uncomfortable feeling. When these defense mechanisms (of which there are many) are habitually used, a psychic wall of resistance forms around the heart, thereby closing the heart and blocking all uncomfortable feelings from awareness. This type of defensiveness may be useful in the short-term in order to allow one to get on with their day and function properly, but it is ultimately futile because it is illusory.
For anyone who has the sense that they may be engaging in these kinds of defensive processes and/or believes they are “conquering” their emotions, it’s important to understand that this kind of behavior traps you in a self-created psychological prison, which in turn narrows your world, disconnects you from life, shrinks your capacity for happiness, makes you more emotionally sensitive, and causes you to be increasingly more susceptible to inevitable changes in your environment. Moreover, if an emotion is not acknowledged and given free passage, it will remain stuck in the body (in the subconscious mind) until a future time when it can be consciously felt and released. The more one inhibits their emotions, the more build-up of trapped energy one allows in the body and psyche. These unconscious, stuck emotions are dangerous for they inevitably lead to some combination of health issues, mental illness, violence, and suffering. This is the cost of closing the heart.
Opening the Heart
Many people believe that suppressing their emotions will lead to positive changes. This may be true depending on the situation, but it will only be beneficial in the short-run. In the long-run, the better path is to gradually train oneself to tolerate and embrace the emotional dimension of life. Rather than try to control the emotions, it is wiser to bring awareness and acceptance to them, which allows them to flow through and out of the body. The wise understand the value and richness of each emotion. They are not afraid of their feelings and they do not necessarily act on them, nor do they buy into any mental narratives that arise in tandem. They have the courage to open their hearts and keep them open permanently – which leads to clarity of mind, increased compassion and joy, benevolent action, and a sense of freedom in all that they do.
The more aware one is, the more one realizes that the emotions just are what they are. Like how each of the seven colors of the rainbow is an essential aspect of the spectrum of color, and how each of the seven musical notes in an octave is an indispensable component of the spectrum of sound, so each of the seven basic emotions is a natural part of the spectrum of feeling. To lose access to even one color, one note, or one emotion is to be cut off from the full experience of life.
If you are seeking greater fulfillment in your life, it would be prudent to start by developing a positive relationship with your emotions and refrain from shunning them. If you are interested in doing so but don’t know where to begin, I recommend working with a professional who is skilled in emotion regulation, emotional releasing, or disarming maladaptive defense mechanisms. A clinician with a depthful approach would be ideal. The emotions are powerful energies, the misuse of which can lead to harm toward self and others so please proceed with caution.
However, if you’d like to try this on your own, here are some general guidelines:
12 Steps for Opening the Heart
- Carve out some time and a quiet space to sit down comfortably.
- Set an intention to uncover and release unconscious feelings.
- Slow down your mind, heart-rate, and breath by practicing deep breathing (inhale for 3 counts, hold for 3 counts, and exhale for 5 counts) for several rounds until you feel relaxed and ready.
- Allow your mind to think about an experience that causes distress and notice how the body begins to react.
- Bring your awareness to the greatest area of tension or sensation in your body and relax the muscles around that area, breathing into it.
- Try to identify the presence of an emotion arising in that area.
- If you are unable to identify an emotion within the physical tension/sensation, then try to identify the presence of a defense mechanism instead (i.e. notice all the ways you may be resisting opening your heart to feel something). If you recognize a defensive process, then put it to the side and return your awareness to the body.
- When you identify an emotion, name it – happiness, sadness, love, fear, anger, surprise, or disgust. If it is not one of these seven core emotions or their synonyms, then there is most likely a defense mechanism or a thought interfering in the process.
- Once you name the emotion, explore it. What does it feel like in the body? How is it shifting? Does it contain any information or behavioral impulse?
- After exploring the emotion, relax and allow it to release on its own. Do not engage it and do not avoid it. Simply let it be. With patient awareness and acceptance, it will flow through on its own.
- Once it has moved through the body (with or without accompanying emotive behaviors), you will notice a sensation of feeling lighter. You may even gain important insights about life. This is you becoming more self-aware.
- Rinse and repeat. With every successful emotional releasing session, your emotions will gradually become more positive and purer, and you will be closer to health, well-being, and self-realization.
Conclusion
Emotions are intelligent energies that, when properly embraced, teach us about ourselves and help us navigate life. Although it is impossible to control them, we can control how we relate to them, and this makes all the difference. By shifting our perspective and increasing our self-awareness, we gain the power to open our hearts. And when we allow our hearts to open, we find an infinitely deepening river of fulfillment. This river ebbs and flows, revealing a range of feeling we didn’t know was possible. It takes us on unexpected journeys to uncharted places, yet if we can stay afloat during both the highs and the lows, we will eventually arrive at the river’s source – the ocean of our limitless being – in which we experience a peace that passes all understanding.
Resources for Further Reading
- The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals by Charles Darwin
- Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life by Paul Ekman, Ph.D.
- Living Like You Mean It: Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want by Ronald J. Frederick, Ph.D.
- Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brene Brown
- Living Untethered: Beyond the Human Predicament by Michael A. Singer
- Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D.
