The Trouble with Self-Judgment
Lately I have been noticing a lot of insecurity and anxiety around work. Some of the worried thoughts I hear go something like this: “What if this work is not effective?”, “What if I am not effective?”, “It takes a special type of person to do this work and what if I am not one of those people?”, “What if I am not giving my clients a valuable experience?”, “What if my client does not have the experience that I want them to?”, and the list goes on…
This self-judgment is normal, but they keep reality and the present moment at a distance. These thoughts, within a workday, create distraction for you and can lead to not being completely present with your work. In my own practice, if I expected my patient to have a certain experience, then I am inserting my own expectations onto them. Then, if they do not experience what I expected them to I may judge my client, the work, or myself as being at fault. Why would my clients need to have my perception of a positive session in order for it to be positive? And for that matter, why does it need to be positive?
A wise man once said, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” Years ago I thought this to mean that whatever you do onto others comes back to you. Now I understand it to mean more. If I judge others, and therefore, practice the art of judging, then I am training my mind to judge. This in turn, will turn towards me as well. The judging mind does not discriminate. This self-judgment causes insecurity and anxiety. So if I can become aware of my judging mind, non-judgmentally, I can diffuse it’s strength and become more present to my clients in the moment. For me, this is helpful, not only in session, but in life.
If you can mindfully be present in life without getting sucked into the drama of the judging thoughts then your experience will not be tainted by expectations and judgments. The trick is to notice the judgment and let it go. This will give yourself the love and the space that is needed for whatever will occur in work or in life. Let your new mantra be to let go and let live!
This self-judgment is normal, but they keep reality and the present moment at a distance. These thoughts, within a workday, create distraction for you and can lead to not being completely present with your work. In my own practice, if I expected my patient to have a certain experience, then I am inserting my own expectations onto them. Then, if they do not experience what I expected them to I may judge my client, the work, or myself as being at fault. Why would my clients need to have my perception of a positive session in order for it to be positive? And for that matter, why does it need to be positive?
A wise man once said, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” Years ago I thought this to mean that whatever you do onto others comes back to you. Now I understand it to mean more. If I judge others, and therefore, practice the art of judging, then I am training my mind to judge. This in turn, will turn towards me as well. The judging mind does not discriminate. This self-judgment causes insecurity and anxiety. So if I can become aware of my judging mind, non-judgmentally, I can diffuse it’s strength and become more present to my clients in the moment. For me, this is helpful, not only in session, but in life.
If you can mindfully be present in life without getting sucked into the drama of the judging thoughts then your experience will not be tainted by expectations and judgments. The trick is to notice the judgment and let it go. This will give yourself the love and the space that is needed for whatever will occur in work or in life. Let your new mantra be to let go and let live!