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Break Free From the “Perfect Body” Delusion
By Caroline Maehler, LMFT
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
In today’s society there is such a huge emphasis placed on attaining a “perfect body.” Americans are bombarded with messages daily- fad diets, cleanses, and lose weight quickly exercise programs – which promote the idea that in order to be happy, smart, successful, and beautiful, we have to attain the “perfect” body. Is this really the answer?
What is the “perfect” body anyways?
If I attain a certain body will I be genuinely happy?
Can I maintain this in the long run?
Perhaps the question should not be “how can I change my body?” but instead, “how can I learn to embrace and love the body I have?”
Here are some suggestions that may lead to greater body acceptance, and ultimately a more fulfilling, happier life:
1.Ditch the diet mentality-
Diet’s don’t really work…at least not for most people in the long run. If they did, there wouldn’t be any need to advertise them. If diet’s actually worked, there wouldn’t be so many Americans constantly on and off of them.
Being “on a diet” seems like a punishment. It is not a kind, gentle way to honor your body, and does not lead to body acceptance.
Depriving our body of certain foods actually makes us crave them. It creates a dynamic where foods become “good” or “bad.” We begin to view “bad” foods as forbidden which actually makes them more appealing. Have you ever not allowed yourself to eat a certain food and all you can think about is that food? Eventually, you will likely give in and eat more than you anticipated which will possibly leave you feeling guilty and hopeless. If you allowed yourself to eat that food in moderation, it is very unlikely that you would feel like you couldn’t stop yourself. So what’s the solution? Achieving variety, moderation, and balance is a much better strategy. Don’t punish or reward yourself with foods. After all, we are humans, not animals. So instead of looking for the next best diet, consider listening to your body and you may be surprised what you find.
2.Learn to appreciate your body-
I always teach my clients to focus on what their bodies do for them instead of how they look. Celebrate all of the amazing things your body can do for you- walk, run, dance, and sing. This change in perspective can really change the way you view yourself. It really is amazing how strong and resilient the human body is and how it serves us in so many ways.
Instead of focusing on how your legs might look when you walk, notice how they support your body and allow you to move through this world. Instead of focusing on the idea that your arms may not be as muscular as you like, notice how it feels to embrace a loved one. Instead of noticing that there may be extra skin on your stomach, notice that your body was able to carry a baby and create a life. Consider writing a thank you note to your body. You may realize just how amazing your body is.
3. Focus on the positive-
You are so much more than what you look like. Focus on who you are as a person aside from your body. Maybe you are a good mother, an excellent swimmer, a good listener. Whatever makes you uniquely you, embrace it… and recognize that these things have nothing to do with your body.
Instead of thinking about what you don’t like about your body, think about what you DO like about your body. Everyone can find something about their body to appreciate. It’s okay to think your eyes are beautiful, you have a radiant smile, and you have cute feet. Actually, it’s more than okay, it is wonderful. Celebrate your body, it is beautiful and unique.
Extra Credit: See the beauty in others-
Recognizing others’ beauty can really make you feel more beautiful. Take a look at all the people you love…I am sure they all look very different and have unique qualities that make them special. Consider this, the people who love you think the same of you- you are beautiful exactly as you are. Surrounding yourself with supportive people can help you feel good about yourself. When you are around other’s who like you for you, it is much easier to accept yourself just as you are.
Now go ahead and give it a try. Let go of all of the things that have been standing in the way of accepting yourself wholly. Remember these wise words from Buddha,
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
What is the “perfect” body anyways?
If I attain a certain body will I be genuinely happy?
Can I maintain this in the long run?
Perhaps the question should not be “how can I change my body?” but instead, “how can I learn to embrace and love the body I have?”
Here are some suggestions that may lead to greater body acceptance, and ultimately a more fulfilling, happier life:
1.Ditch the diet mentality-
Diet’s don’t really work…at least not for most people in the long run. If they did, there wouldn’t be any need to advertise them. If diet’s actually worked, there wouldn’t be so many Americans constantly on and off of them.
Being “on a diet” seems like a punishment. It is not a kind, gentle way to honor your body, and does not lead to body acceptance.
Depriving our body of certain foods actually makes us crave them. It creates a dynamic where foods become “good” or “bad.” We begin to view “bad” foods as forbidden which actually makes them more appealing. Have you ever not allowed yourself to eat a certain food and all you can think about is that food? Eventually, you will likely give in and eat more than you anticipated which will possibly leave you feeling guilty and hopeless. If you allowed yourself to eat that food in moderation, it is very unlikely that you would feel like you couldn’t stop yourself. So what’s the solution? Achieving variety, moderation, and balance is a much better strategy. Don’t punish or reward yourself with foods. After all, we are humans, not animals. So instead of looking for the next best diet, consider listening to your body and you may be surprised what you find.
2.Learn to appreciate your body-
I always teach my clients to focus on what their bodies do for them instead of how they look. Celebrate all of the amazing things your body can do for you- walk, run, dance, and sing. This change in perspective can really change the way you view yourself. It really is amazing how strong and resilient the human body is and how it serves us in so many ways.
Instead of focusing on how your legs might look when you walk, notice how they support your body and allow you to move through this world. Instead of focusing on the idea that your arms may not be as muscular as you like, notice how it feels to embrace a loved one. Instead of noticing that there may be extra skin on your stomach, notice that your body was able to carry a baby and create a life. Consider writing a thank you note to your body. You may realize just how amazing your body is.
3. Focus on the positive-
You are so much more than what you look like. Focus on who you are as a person aside from your body. Maybe you are a good mother, an excellent swimmer, a good listener. Whatever makes you uniquely you, embrace it… and recognize that these things have nothing to do with your body.
Instead of thinking about what you don’t like about your body, think about what you DO like about your body. Everyone can find something about their body to appreciate. It’s okay to think your eyes are beautiful, you have a radiant smile, and you have cute feet. Actually, it’s more than okay, it is wonderful. Celebrate your body, it is beautiful and unique.
Extra Credit: See the beauty in others-
Recognizing others’ beauty can really make you feel more beautiful. Take a look at all the people you love…I am sure they all look very different and have unique qualities that make them special. Consider this, the people who love you think the same of you- you are beautiful exactly as you are. Surrounding yourself with supportive people can help you feel good about yourself. When you are around other’s who like you for you, it is much easier to accept yourself just as you are.
Now go ahead and give it a try. Let go of all of the things that have been standing in the way of accepting yourself wholly. Remember these wise words from Buddha,
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”